LIFE CHEZ DEE

So today is Father’s Day. Always a day which we celebrate or should I say acknowledge in our house, yes we do presents and cards and such, but it really is also just an ordinary day. As I’m up and about this morning, being busy, doing some meal prep for this evening, having a brew, my thoughts begin to wander … as they do. I think about Justin, and just what a great father and husband he is, and how much he does with the boys, and for me. I think about Edward, and how Justin

I lost my voice recently. Not physically, but it could just as easily have been. There was so much I was thinking about, experiencing, processing that I needed to write about, but for one reason or another, I felt unable to put those thoughts, feelings and emotions into my writing, or at least writing I was able to publish. I was totally lost. I know I don’t usually hold back; I’m more than aware that my writing is raw and from the heart, but I knew that the raw emotions I wa

It’s the Queen’s Birthday today. Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, Queen Elizabeth II, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of her other realms and territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, with the style of ‘Majesty’. I wrote the majority of this piece last year for a local news site. I was planning to republish it this year anyway, but in light of the recent death and funeral of Prince Philip I felt I wanted

This week was the final session of the Lent Course, in which we were exploring bread and wine. From the title of this piece you’d be forgiven for thinking this was going in a very different direction to what I’m actually writing about. Given that the sun has started warming the air for us, for thinking this piece was triggered by my tucking into some lovely crusty bread, a nice piece of ripe brie and a lovely glass of wine to wash it down. Alas no, this piece is not about thi

I needed to write something this week, if only to journal some of the notable happenings of late. Oliver has been back to school, and is now off school again for the Easter holidays. He was glad to go back to school, to see his friends again, even though he hasn’t really missed their company much, given they chat together daily whilst gaming. He’s had far too much gaming time quite honestly, but with not seeing his friends in person, this is where the playground banter has ta

Tonight was the penultimate session in the Lent course, and this evening we were exploring fellowship, and I thought about how nice it was to be fellowshipping again this evening with our usual little group of people. I often glance through the course notes prior to the sessions beginning, and this evening’s notes began with “it takes a village to raise a child”, and went on to talk of the importance of supportive relationships to healthy personal development. This is also tr

In advance of the Lent course this evening I glance through the session notes. Meeting God is the starting point and ultimate goal of true prayer. Asking God to make a difference in our lives and in our world. May your will be done on Earth as in Heaven. After much shenanigans getting into the zoom call, being heard, and trying to work out how to get a picture of the cat off my background, I managed to slip into the meeting. Discussions were already happening as to which city

International Women's Day has come round again. Every year I think of so many women who inspire me, and this year is no different. I wrote this piece a couple of years ago, still as relevant today as it was then so I thought I'd republish it. It was International Women’s Day this week. My social media newsfeed was full of inspirational quotes; of stories of inspirational women, strong women, women paving the way and inspiring generations of women. I was privileged to be inv

The title of this week’s Lent Course was Exploring Scripture. We can read the Bible, but we need to do more than read, we need to hear God. We were a bit thin on the ground this evening, with a few engaged in another church meeting, and I missed them. We began this evening talking about which sport we enjoy playing or watching. I’m not really a lover of doing or watching sport if I’m honest. I used to be obsessed with going to the gym before I had the boys, I’d be there 6 or

This probably isn’t the best time for me to be writing this piece. I’m angry. I’ve totally had it with people who say the most offensive things to me. It happens so often, far too often quite frankly. I’d actually just been talking with friends about some of the horrid remarks which have been said to me these last few years, and I don’t know if this conversation tempted fate, but later the same afternoon … wham! Another one was hurled at me, quite consciously and quite pointe

So the title of this week’s Lent Course was “Exploring Fasting”. We started, as we do each week, with chatting about our day, or our week, so we can connect with each other. I was talking about all the decorating and decluttering we’d been doing, and a positive which came out of that, was a suggestion of where to get rid of all the clothes I had bagged up, which will allow me to get rid of at least another three bags of stuff which has now migrated to the garden shed for temp

So tonight saw the first session of the Lent course I signed up for. I’d received all the supporting documentation a couple of weeks ago, and had had a look through prior to this evening. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to this course as much as the Advent course I’d attended. I’d really thrown myself into the Advent course, really listened, discussed, learned, absorbed, processed and reflected. It really gave me much food for thought, and inspired many pieces

It’s Sunday 14th February. Valentine’s Day. Today is all about love. The shops are full of cards, flowers, chocolates and much more, and don’t get me wrong I love all that, and both myself and Justin have always celebrated this day. To be honest, it isn’t just because it is Valentine’s Day, but it is indeed another excuse to go and buy gifts for each other and write down another declaration of love cards for each other. Justin has always been the romantic, and I don’t think a

I’ve had quite a bit of dental work done recently … this weekend in fact. So much in fact, that the story has been more of a saga. My entire dental history is a saga and a half to be honest, and as such I have felt that all too familiar compulsion to write a blog. Never did I imagine journaling my dental history in a published piece of writing, and yet here I am, and as I begin, I remember so much of my long history with great clarity. I blame 1970s dentistry for the state of

I’ve listened on many occasions to the positives and negatives of social media, and indeed the time spent on it. So just how much is too much? And at what point does it become an addiction? For years I was sceptical about using social media. Ridiculously unnecessary I thought. Who wants to look at what others are eating for their tea etc etc. I eventually decided to take the plunge in about 2013. I felt as though I was missing out on knowing what was going on with stuff gener

So tonight I zoomed in for a remote catch up with those who I’d been on the Advent Course with. It’s a lovely group, and one I feel happy to belong to as we share our thoughts and personal experiences with each other. We have offered each other new and/or different perspectives, as well as empathy and understanding; I feel both humbled and privileged, as well as happy and content to be amongst such a group. The reason we had another catch up, was not only because it had been

I have read, read, read and read so many pieces, articles, writings, thoughts and experiences of others’ grief. Those who are grieving parents, grandparents, distant relatives, friends, siblings, children, babies (those who were born and lived a short while, those born sleeping, or those lost before they reached term). I’ve probably focussed more on reading about those who have experience of child loss, since my experience of this has been far more overwhelming and debilitati

Losing a child is different to any other loss. My child died, and on every possible imaginable level, that is wrong. The death of a child is not something anyone is prepared for or should ever happen. As a mother, the instinct to protect your child is always there. Not being able to protect your child; or save your child from dying goes against everything that motherhood stands for. This is not the natural order of things, and goes against the normal cycle of life. Watching

I wanted to talk about Edward's place; Edward’s grave. This might seem like a strange subject to talk about, but as this is going round in my mind, and I’m in the habit now of offloading all that stuff, then this is something I need to talk about and share. Edward is buried; I couldn’t bring myself to have Edward cremated. I watched him die. I visited him daily for the two weeks until we buried him. He was beautiful. For me, it felt like I needed to have that vision in my h

Its funny how over analysis comes into play when something significant happens to you. It makes you think, and question, and ask, and challenge. You learn what things really matter; what your priorities are; you look at things from a different perspective. Losing my child was devastating; it turned my world upside down. It has made me overthink and overanalyse, it has made me oversensitive and vulnerable. But this over analysis doesn’t stop at situations, the company you keep