LIFE CHEZ DEE

I’m writing this piece, and contained within will be me talking about that which will be a revelation to most of you. Having left school and further education with no degree and no A levels I’ve always wondered what if. I’ve always regretted not having gained these qualifications at the time I should have, but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it. In all honesty I didn’t want to do A levels or a degree at the time in my life when I was supposed to. I’d had enough of educat

So today is Father’s Day. Always a day which we celebrate or should I say acknowledge in our house, yes we do presents and cards and such, but it really is also just an ordinary day. As I’m up and about this morning, being busy, doing some meal prep for this evening, having a brew, my thoughts begin to wander … as they do. I think about Justin, and just what a great father and husband he is, and how much he does with the boys, and for me. I think about Edward, and how Justin

I lost my voice recently. Not physically, but it could just as easily have been. There was so much I was thinking about, experiencing, processing that I needed to write about, but for one reason or another, I felt unable to put those thoughts, feelings and emotions into my writing, or at least writing I was able to publish. I was totally lost. I know I don’t usually hold back; I’m more than aware that my writing is raw and from the heart, but I knew that the raw emotions I wa

Today is 23rd April, and for those who don’t know, it is also St George’s Day. St George, England’s patron saint, and in true patriotic style I wanted to suitably mark the day someway. I wrote this piece last year for a local news site, and was actually about to reshare it, but thought instead I'd add a bit, change a bit, and republish it. What a coincidence it is that I’m talking about St George today, not because it is in fact his celebrated day, but because St George wasn’

It’s April already, and with this comes the thoughts, the build up, the feeling which permeates every bit of my being, knowing that we’re in the days approaching Edward’s birthday. What I should be doing is hiding the presents I’ve bought him, finalising party arrangements, putting aside cards which arrive through the letterbox so that all these surprises are there waiting for him to excitedly open when he gets up in the morning. But that is far from reality now. I will get u

I needed to write something this week, if only to journal some of the notable happenings of late. Oliver has been back to school, and is now off school again for the Easter holidays. He was glad to go back to school, to see his friends again, even though he hasn’t really missed their company much, given they chat together daily whilst gaming. He’s had far too much gaming time quite honestly, but with not seeing his friends in person, this is where the playground banter has ta

In advance of the Lent course this evening I glance through the session notes. Meeting God is the starting point and ultimate goal of true prayer. Asking God to make a difference in our lives and in our world. May your will be done on Earth as in Heaven. After much shenanigans getting into the zoom call, being heard, and trying to work out how to get a picture of the cat off my background, I managed to slip into the meeting. Discussions were already happening as to which city

Today is Mother’s Day. Normally I’m awakened by the boys coming into our bedroom to wake me and wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Today I woke early, particularly early in fact, and not feeling able to nod off again, I just got up. I do actually quite like it when it’s quiet downstairs, and whilst the boys were still snoozing I got on with all sorts of chores … feeding the cats, letting them out, cleaning the litter, putting a washer load on, emptying the dryer and folding the cl

So I’m half way through the Lent course now, and tonight’s material was entitled Exploring Prayer. Again, my anxieties took the lead and I wondered, and worried about this … not greatly, but worried all the same. I don’t pray, as I’ve mentioned before, not in the conventional sense anyway. What would my course mates think? Would I be a bit of a disappointment in the eyes of the church? And I don’t know why I was worrying, as I know how lovely and understanding and accepting e

International Women's Day has come round again. Every year I think of so many women who inspire me, and this year is no different. I wrote this piece a couple of years ago, still as relevant today as it was then so I thought I'd republish it. It was International Women’s Day this week. My social media newsfeed was full of inspirational quotes; of stories of inspirational women, strong women, women paving the way and inspiring generations of women. I was privileged to be inv

The title of this week’s Lent Course was Exploring Scripture. We can read the Bible, but we need to do more than read, we need to hear God. We were a bit thin on the ground this evening, with a few engaged in another church meeting, and I missed them. We began this evening talking about which sport we enjoy playing or watching. I’m not really a lover of doing or watching sport if I’m honest. I used to be obsessed with going to the gym before I had the boys, I’d be there 6 or

This probably isn’t the best time for me to be writing this piece. I’m angry. I’ve totally had it with people who say the most offensive things to me. It happens so often, far too often quite frankly. I’d actually just been talking with friends about some of the horrid remarks which have been said to me these last few years, and I don’t know if this conversation tempted fate, but later the same afternoon … wham! Another one was hurled at me, quite consciously and quite pointe

So the title of this week’s Lent Course was “Exploring Fasting”. We started, as we do each week, with chatting about our day, or our week, so we can connect with each other. I was talking about all the decorating and decluttering we’d been doing, and a positive which came out of that, was a suggestion of where to get rid of all the clothes I had bagged up, which will allow me to get rid of at least another three bags of stuff which has now migrated to the garden shed for temp

So tonight saw the first session of the Lent course I signed up for. I’d received all the supporting documentation a couple of weeks ago, and had had a look through prior to this evening. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to this course as much as the Advent course I’d attended. I’d really thrown myself into the Advent course, really listened, discussed, learned, absorbed, processed and reflected. It really gave me much food for thought, and inspired many pieces

It’s Sunday 14th February. Valentine’s Day. Today is all about love. The shops are full of cards, flowers, chocolates and much more, and don’t get me wrong I love all that, and both myself and Justin have always celebrated this day. To be honest, it isn’t just because it is Valentine’s Day, but it is indeed another excuse to go and buy gifts for each other and write down another declaration of love cards for each other. Justin has always been the romantic, and I don’t think a

I’ve had quite a bit of dental work done recently … this weekend in fact. So much in fact, that the story has been more of a saga. My entire dental history is a saga and a half to be honest, and as such I have felt that all too familiar compulsion to write a blog. Never did I imagine journaling my dental history in a published piece of writing, and yet here I am, and as I begin, I remember so much of my long history with great clarity. I blame 1970s dentistry for the state of

I’ve listened on many occasions to the positives and negatives of social media, and indeed the time spent on it. So just how much is too much? And at what point does it become an addiction? For years I was sceptical about using social media. Ridiculously unnecessary I thought. Who wants to look at what others are eating for their tea etc etc. I eventually decided to take the plunge in about 2013. I felt as though I was missing out on knowing what was going on with stuff gener

So tonight I zoomed in for a remote catch up with those who I’d been on the Advent Course with. It’s a lovely group, and one I feel happy to belong to as we share our thoughts and personal experiences with each other. We have offered each other new and/or different perspectives, as well as empathy and understanding; I feel both humbled and privileged, as well as happy and content to be amongst such a group. The reason we had another catch up, was not only because it had been

I have read, read, read and read so many pieces, articles, writings, thoughts and experiences of others’ grief. Those who are grieving parents, grandparents, distant relatives, friends, siblings, children, babies (those who were born and lived a short while, those born sleeping, or those lost before they reached term). I’ve probably focussed more on reading about those who have experience of child loss, since my experience of this has been far more overwhelming and debilitati

Losing a child is different to any other loss. My child died, and on every possible imaginable level, that is wrong. The death of a child is not something anyone is prepared for or should ever happen. As a mother, the instinct to protect your child is always there. Not being able to protect your child; or save your child from dying goes against everything that motherhood stands for. This is not the natural order of things, and goes against the normal cycle of life. Watching