LIFE CHEZ DEE

I’ve reached the end of this chapter on my counselling journey, and what a journey it has been. I have learned so much … so much theory; so much about others; so much about myself. I’ve always been a deep thinker, an overthinker, a very reflective person …. looking outwardly at others, and what might be going on for them, and looking inwardly at what’s going on for me … but this last few months of learning, listening, thinking, reflecting, processing and journaling has taken

It’s the last session in this Advent series I’ve joined. The course has been about hearing and listening, and today we are invited to go to a very deep place, where we have to listen with our hearts and not just our ears; a place where reading and understanding are just not enough. Light of the world, you stepped down into darkness We begin as always with listening to a song, and again as always, I’m not keen. But I do listen to the words, because as always there are always

Well I don’t know if it’s a coincidence, or whether my words were read and absorbed, but my comments regarding being unprepared for our advent course sessions, and how this felt very strange to me, seem to have been listened to by someone (maybe God was listening after all), because I received both an email and a letter with the details of the content of what we would be covering over the next two weeks on the advent course. So I’d better have a read through and prepare … Th

I didn’t sleep last night. Happy that we’d had such a lovely, albeit very cold and wet, day out in Manchester to celebrate Justin’s birthday, and to see my big boy, who is loving University life, but goodness how I miss him. We ate, drank, chatted, and wandered and it was such a lovely day together. Such a bittersweet time. The birthday celebrations for Justin, and yet the memories of 5 years ago are so painful. 5th December is a date etched into my heart. The day five yea

We’ve been out out. Doesn’t happen too often these days. Yes we go out, as a family, with the boys, we go out for lunch or coffees, but rarely do we get dressed up and go out … just the two of us … and we even stayed out all night! I was both delighted and privileged to be invited to a dinner dance at Derby County Football Club, by Steve Dayman, founder of Meningitis Now. Right from the day Edward died, Steve has been there for us. Steve founded Meningitis Now (or Meningitis

It’s April already, and with this comes the thoughts, the build up, the feeling which permeates every bit of my being, knowing that we’re in the days approaching Edward’s birthday. What I should be doing is hiding the presents I’ve bought him, finalising party arrangements, putting aside cards which arrive through the letterbox so that all these surprises are there waiting for him to excitedly open when he gets up in the morning. But that is far from reality now. I will get u

This week was the final session of the Lent Course, in which we were exploring bread and wine. From the title of this piece you’d be forgiven for thinking this was going in a very different direction to what I’m actually writing about. Given that the sun has started warming the air for us, for thinking this piece was triggered by my tucking into some lovely crusty bread, a nice piece of ripe brie and a lovely glass of wine to wash it down. Alas no, this piece is not about thi

I needed to write something this week, if only to journal some of the notable happenings of late. Oliver has been back to school, and is now off school again for the Easter holidays. He was glad to go back to school, to see his friends again, even though he hasn’t really missed their company much, given they chat together daily whilst gaming. He’s had far too much gaming time quite honestly, but with not seeing his friends in person, this is where the playground banter has ta

International Women's Day has come round again. Every year I think of so many women who inspire me, and this year is no different. I wrote this piece a couple of years ago, still as relevant today as it was then so I thought I'd republish it. It was International Women’s Day this week. My social media newsfeed was full of inspirational quotes; of stories of inspirational women, strong women, women paving the way and inspiring generations of women. I was privileged to be inv

The title of this week’s Lent Course was Exploring Scripture. We can read the Bible, but we need to do more than read, we need to hear God. We were a bit thin on the ground this evening, with a few engaged in another church meeting, and I missed them. We began this evening talking about which sport we enjoy playing or watching. I’m not really a lover of doing or watching sport if I’m honest. I used to be obsessed with going to the gym before I had the boys, I’d be there 6 or

This probably isn’t the best time for me to be writing this piece. I’m angry. I’ve totally had it with people who say the most offensive things to me. It happens so often, far too often quite frankly. I’d actually just been talking with friends about some of the horrid remarks which have been said to me these last few years, and I don’t know if this conversation tempted fate, but later the same afternoon … wham! Another one was hurled at me, quite consciously and quite pointe

So tonight saw the first session of the Lent course I signed up for. I’d received all the supporting documentation a couple of weeks ago, and had had a look through prior to this evening. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to this course as much as the Advent course I’d attended. I’d really thrown myself into the Advent course, really listened, discussed, learned, absorbed, processed and reflected. It really gave me much food for thought, and inspired many pieces

I’ve listened on many occasions to the positives and negatives of social media, and indeed the time spent on it. So just how much is too much? And at what point does it become an addiction? For years I was sceptical about using social media. Ridiculously unnecessary I thought. Who wants to look at what others are eating for their tea etc etc. I eventually decided to take the plunge in about 2013. I felt as though I was missing out on knowing what was going on with stuff gener

So tonight I zoomed in for a remote catch up with those who I’d been on the Advent Course with. It’s a lovely group, and one I feel happy to belong to as we share our thoughts and personal experiences with each other. We have offered each other new and/or different perspectives, as well as empathy and understanding; I feel both humbled and privileged, as well as happy and content to be amongst such a group. The reason we had another catch up, was not only because it had been

I have read, read, read and read so many pieces, articles, writings, thoughts and experiences of others’ grief. Those who are grieving parents, grandparents, distant relatives, friends, siblings, children, babies (those who were born and lived a short while, those born sleeping, or those lost before they reached term). I’ve probably focussed more on reading about those who have experience of child loss, since my experience of this has been far more overwhelming and debilitati

Losing a child is different to any other loss. My child died, and on every possible imaginable level, that is wrong. The death of a child is not something anyone is prepared for or should ever happen. As a mother, the instinct to protect your child is always there. Not being able to protect your child; or save your child from dying goes against everything that motherhood stands for. This is not the natural order of things, and goes against the normal cycle of life. Watching

How are you? A very simple question. One which is asked all the time; but one which is so difficult to answer at times. One which was almost unbearable to hear, and so unbelievably hard to answer in the days and weeks after losing Edward. It’s a question I hadn’t analysed too much until I was in a position where I felt unable to answer. How are you? It’s said so often, by so many. Just in passing … in the street, in the shops. It’s the question you want people to ask; whilst

For many, home schooling our children began at the end of March this year. Suddenly, our workspaces, and working hours needed to be split between what we needed to do, and giving our children the education they needed and deserved. Initially, it was thought that the time at home would only be two weeks, with a return after the Easter holidays, but it soon became apparent that the need for children to stay at home would be much longer. I know some parents used those initial we

On Sunday 3rd May, it’s my birthday. It’s a milestone birthday; a big one; the day I turn 50; my half century; the big Five O. I used to think it sounded old … but now it’s my turn, and I’m not so sure. Fifty years ago I was born; 3rd May 1970, which also was a Sunday … a 70s child; and a child born on the Sabbath, which according to the rhyme, means I’m bonnie, blithe, good and gay. I have now lived 18,263 days and today sees me officially a quinquagenarian. God that sounds

It's been a strange few weeks, and Easter is no exception. No build up to the school holidays as Oliver has been schooled at home; holidays too have been cancelled or postponed; no jetting off somewhere, or packing of bags as we load up the car for a long motorway journey to our holiday cottage; no day trips planned for walks, museums, city visits, or visits to National Trust houses and gardens that we love so much. Visits to all these beautiful places put on hold, added to