LIFE CHEZ DEE

I lost my voice recently. Not physically, but it could just as easily have been. There was so much I was thinking about, experiencing, processing that I needed to write about, but for one reason or another, I felt unable to put those thoughts, feelings and emotions into my writing, or at least writing I was able to publish. I was totally lost. I know I don’t usually hold back; I’m more than aware that my writing is raw and from the heart, but I knew that the raw emotions I wa

It’s April already, and with this comes the thoughts, the build up, the feeling which permeates every bit of my being, knowing that we’re in the days approaching Edward’s birthday. What I should be doing is hiding the presents I’ve bought him, finalising party arrangements, putting aside cards which arrive through the letterbox so that all these surprises are there waiting for him to excitedly open when he gets up in the morning. But that is far from reality now. I will get u

I needed to write something this week, if only to journal some of the notable happenings of late. Oliver has been back to school, and is now off school again for the Easter holidays. He was glad to go back to school, to see his friends again, even though he hasn’t really missed their company much, given they chat together daily whilst gaming. He’s had far too much gaming time quite honestly, but with not seeing his friends in person, this is where the playground banter has ta

Tonight was the penultimate session in the Lent course, and this evening we were exploring fellowship, and I thought about how nice it was to be fellowshipping again this evening with our usual little group of people. I often glance through the course notes prior to the sessions beginning, and this evening’s notes began with “it takes a village to raise a child”, and went on to talk of the importance of supportive relationships to healthy personal development. This is also tr

International Women's Day has come round again. Every year I think of so many women who inspire me, and this year is no different. I wrote this piece a couple of years ago, still as relevant today as it was then so I thought I'd republish it. It was International Women’s Day this week. My social media newsfeed was full of inspirational quotes; of stories of inspirational women, strong women, women paving the way and inspiring generations of women. I was privileged to be inv

So the title of this week’s Lent Course was “Exploring Fasting”. We started, as we do each week, with chatting about our day, or our week, so we can connect with each other. I was talking about all the decorating and decluttering we’d been doing, and a positive which came out of that, was a suggestion of where to get rid of all the clothes I had bagged up, which will allow me to get rid of at least another three bags of stuff which has now migrated to the garden shed for temp

So tonight saw the first session of the Lent course I signed up for. I’d received all the supporting documentation a couple of weeks ago, and had had a look through prior to this evening. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to this course as much as the Advent course I’d attended. I’d really thrown myself into the Advent course, really listened, discussed, learned, absorbed, processed and reflected. It really gave me much food for thought, and inspired many pieces

It’s Sunday 14th February. Valentine’s Day. Today is all about love. The shops are full of cards, flowers, chocolates and much more, and don’t get me wrong I love all that, and both myself and Justin have always celebrated this day. To be honest, it isn’t just because it is Valentine’s Day, but it is indeed another excuse to go and buy gifts for each other and write down another declaration of love cards for each other. Justin has always been the romantic, and I don’t think a

I’ve had quite a bit of dental work done recently … this weekend in fact. So much in fact, that the story has been more of a saga. My entire dental history is a saga and a half to be honest, and as such I have felt that all too familiar compulsion to write a blog. Never did I imagine journaling my dental history in a published piece of writing, and yet here I am, and as I begin, I remember so much of my long history with great clarity. I blame 1970s dentistry for the state of

I’ve listened on many occasions to the positives and negatives of social media, and indeed the time spent on it. So just how much is too much? And at what point does it become an addiction? For years I was sceptical about using social media. Ridiculously unnecessary I thought. Who wants to look at what others are eating for their tea etc etc. I eventually decided to take the plunge in about 2013. I felt as though I was missing out on knowing what was going on with stuff gener

So tonight I zoomed in for a remote catch up with those who I’d been on the Advent Course with. It’s a lovely group, and one I feel happy to belong to as we share our thoughts and personal experiences with each other. We have offered each other new and/or different perspectives, as well as empathy and understanding; I feel both humbled and privileged, as well as happy and content to be amongst such a group. The reason we had another catch up, was not only because it had been

I have read, read, read and read so many pieces, articles, writings, thoughts and experiences of others’ grief. Those who are grieving parents, grandparents, distant relatives, friends, siblings, children, babies (those who were born and lived a short while, those born sleeping, or those lost before they reached term). I’ve probably focussed more on reading about those who have experience of child loss, since my experience of this has been far more overwhelming and debilitati

Losing a child is different to any other loss. My child died, and on every possible imaginable level, that is wrong. The death of a child is not something anyone is prepared for or should ever happen. As a mother, the instinct to protect your child is always there. Not being able to protect your child; or save your child from dying goes against everything that motherhood stands for. This is not the natural order of things, and goes against the normal cycle of life. Watching

I wanted to talk about Edward's place; Edward’s grave. This might seem like a strange subject to talk about, but as this is going round in my mind, and I’m in the habit now of offloading all that stuff, then this is something I need to talk about and share. Edward is buried; I couldn’t bring myself to have Edward cremated. I watched him die. I visited him daily for the two weeks until we buried him. He was beautiful. For me, it felt like I needed to have that vision in my h

Its funny how over analysis comes into play when something significant happens to you. It makes you think, and question, and ask, and challenge. You learn what things really matter; what your priorities are; you look at things from a different perspective. Losing my child was devastating; it turned my world upside down. It has made me overthink and overanalyse, it has made me oversensitive and vulnerable. But this over analysis doesn’t stop at situations, the company you keep

How are you? A very simple question. One which is asked all the time; but one which is so difficult to answer at times. One which was almost unbearable to hear, and so unbelievably hard to answer in the days and weeks after losing Edward. It’s a question I hadn’t analysed too much until I was in a position where I felt unable to answer. How are you? It’s said so often, by so many. Just in passing … in the street, in the shops. It’s the question you want people to ask; whilst

You get what you pay for! Right? Of course you do … sometimes; and there again, no you don’t. It isn’t really that simple a question; and therefore there isn’t really a simple answer. The answer is yes, no, maybe, sometimes, depends. Advertisers are good at what they do … targeting their audience perfectly, getting their message buried deep within our subconscious; working overtime on the plethora of adverts they produce, brainwashing us with brand awareness, brand quality, a

What a beautiful place I live; I never tire of it. Every time I walk along the shore, the prom, the green I always have a moment’s pause to think, marvel, appreciate where I am, what I see; taking in that smell of the clean fresh air; the smell of the sea. Walking along the shore is interesting, so many interesting bits and bobs, natural or unnatural, lying abandoned having been brought in with the tide. Early risers walking the beach get first pickings at any treasure … the

Walking … we all know the benefits of getting out there in the great outdoors, blowing off the cobwebs and getting a healthy dose of fresh air in the lungs. The most convenient, cheapest, and safest exercise to do, good for our physical, and mental wellbeing, and anyone can do it. I’ve always enjoyed walking … just a stroll by myself or with friends; a long walk with the family; or something more purposeful on a day out somewhere. Flat walks, circular walks or steep walks … u

Lytham St Annes… when you speak to people out of the area about where you live, many have no idea where it is … never heard of it … can’t picture it. Some can’t even pronounce it, even saying Lytham Street Annes for goodness sake. If I had a pound for the number of times I’ve explained to people where it is, I’d be one rich lady. And so I have to think of somewhere nearby that they will have heard of … South of the Lake District … South of Morecambe, North of Manchester … but