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Life Chez Dee Episode #117: Father's Day

So today is Father’s Day. Always a day which we celebrate or should I say acknowledge in our house, yes we do presents and cards and such, but it really is also just an ordinary day.

As I’m up and about this morning, being busy, doing some meal prep for this evening, having a brew, my thoughts begin to wander … as they do. I think about Justin, and just what a great father and husband he is, and how much he does with the boys, and for me.

I think about Edward, and how Justin will also be thinking so much about Edward today. I know how painful mother’s day is for me, and I know that Justin will be feeling Father’s Day just as much. I think about Justin’s dad and how he is no longer with us, and I think about my dad and how much he does looking after my mum every day, but particularly lately at what a hard time he is having as mum has been back in hospital, only coming out again yesterday.

And I’m thinking about the day out we had yesterday walking alpacas … and how in just an hour there I managed to get four horsefly bites … with the buggers managing to get their mouths through my leggings too! It was actually Oliver’s Christmas Present from 2019 but with all the lockdowns, he’d not been able to go, and we finally booked so he could have this present. It was really nice, it wasn’t far to go, the afternoon was lovely and sunny, and we were guided by the knowledgeable Mike at Lowlands Farm as we walked Hugo and Bryn.

I start writing this piece as Justin lies in bed … I’ve told Oliver not to wake him as he’s not getting great sleep at the moment and could do with a lie in. He only came out of hospital on Thursday after having surgery to remove a blocked salivary gland. I don’t really know what I was expecting really … probably a fairly small wound, and for some reason I expected it to be vertical. In fact it’s a lot bigger than I thought and is at the top of his neck, horizontally following his jaw. If it weren’t so neat and tidy, it would be Halloweenesque the slash and visible stitches along its incision.

He’s ok, but it’s still very painful and sore, and he’s on plenty of regular medication for the pain. Not being able to lie on this side has interrupted sleep, along with the ever present pain, and therefore the need to wake in the night for more painkillers.

Anyway, he got a lie in until 8am, when Oliver wanted to go in to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. He woke William too, who was also in the land of nod having only come to bed a few hours before! Bleary eyed, he too stood at the end of the bed whilst Justin opened his cards and presents, and as soon as that had been done, he turned on his heels and returned to the land of nod for another 3 hours … it would have been more, but he was forced to come into the garden to chat to my mum and dad who had popped round.

I present Dad with a card which I’ve managed to find, printed with one of his numerous sayings about not being asleep, just shutting his eyes; and I give him a bottle of whisky, which he seemed delighted with. It was really nice, they haven’t been round much because of lockdown, but also just because mum has been so ill, and as she sipped her cup of tea, I thought how she actually looked remarkably well considering.

This afternoon we popped to visit Edward. We go every week to visit him, but today was special being Father’s Day. It was so busy up at the cemetery, with cars parked the length of the road. It was beautifully still and peaceful there. The bench took a bit of cleaning today, being covered in the sticky stuff which drops from the tree at this time of year. After cleaning his bench, I sat and thought some more. I just miss him; I really miss him. I think about Edward every day, about what was, and what would have been. I ache to be able to see him again, chat, laugh, tell him off. We sat for a while in the stillness, just thinking. The flowers didn’t need changing, but we did so anyway, and brought home the old flowers. They’re now in a vase on the coffee table, a present to his Dad on Father’s Day.

Our walk this afternoon was just the two of us doing one of our usual loop walks. The boys didn’t want to come … they were both engrossed in gaming. The walk was again lovely, but I felt tired, it was really muggy, and I was flagging in the final stretch back home.

My thoughts were wandering off to distant places in my mind, and I could feel myself getting all deep and profound. I started to think about all the little things I take for granted. And there was so much. We’d not had a particularly busy day, and we had no plans for anything else either, and it isn’t very often I have a day when there’s not a lot going on. And I just sat in the garden, and rested, and watched, and listened, and fell asleep at one point, and just allowed my thoughts to wander aimlessly. And how marvellous was that. I was able to stop for a moment that day and be still, and let the day go by without a huge list of jobs to do, without pressures and obligations, just to participate in the day by just being there.

Homemade fish pie for tea, followed by the excitement of the Grand Prix, ended the day nicely.

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