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LIFE CHEZ DEE
... writing my thoughts on life and all it throws at me
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elizabethdee001
- Dec 5, 2022
- 4 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #130: Eternal love
I haven’t written anything in ages. I sit here today thinking how much I have to say, and just not knowing where to start, not knowing the words, not knowing how on Earth to articulate my thoughts, my feelings, my utter heartbreak. I am totally broken. Six years have passed since Edward died, and I remember the day so vividly that I can relive the whole day in every minute and intricate detail, from the sequence of events, to the horror, and devastation of how that day ended
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elizabethdee001
- Dec 5, 2021
- 8 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #125: 5th Dec
I didn’t sleep last night. Happy that we’d had such a lovely, albeit very cold and wet, day out in Manchester to celebrate Justin’s birthday, and to see my big boy, who is loving University life, but goodness how I miss him. We ate, drank, chatted, and wandered and it was such a lovely day together. Such a bittersweet time. The birthday celebrations for Justin, and yet the memories of 5 years ago are so painful. 5th December is a date etched into my heart. The day five yea
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elizabethdee001
- Nov 9, 2021
- 6 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #122: United by the cause
We’ve been out out. Doesn’t happen too often these days. Yes we go out, as a family, with the boys, we go out for lunch or coffees, but rarely do we get dressed up and go out … just the two of us … and we even stayed out all night! I was both delighted and privileged to be invited to a dinner dance at Derby County Football Club, by Steve Dayman, founder of Meningitis Now. Right from the day Edward died, Steve has been there for us. Steve founded Meningitis Now (or Meningitis
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elizabethdee001
- Oct 16, 2021
- 7 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #121: Mum
I haven’t written for a such a long time. I’ve wanted to say so much, and yet there just seems to have been so much stopping me, so much getting in the way. It’s ironic, given that when so much is happening, when so much is in my head, this is the first place I turn to … but it’s a little different at the moment. I've been bogged down with so much, struggling with life, grief, college, thinking of Oliver in his final year at primary school, thinking of William now at Univers
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elizabethdee001
- Jul 5, 2021
- 5 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #119: My normal
I sat today, as I would normally do, to write a piece. I’d got a few ideas of where my writing would take me today, but as I opened the computer, there was the face of my beautiful boy, Edward. I’d posted on social media about it being bereaved parents’ month, and written a quote from another grieving mother about what was normal after your child dies. "Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horro
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elizabethdee001
- May 28, 2021
- 9 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #116: Lost
I lost my voice recently. Not physically, but it could just as easily have been. There was so much I was thinking about, experiencing, processing that I needed to write about, but for one reason or another, I felt unable to put those thoughts, feelings and emotions into my writing, or at least writing I was able to publish. I was totally lost. I know I don’t usually hold back; I’m more than aware that my writing is raw and from the heart, but I knew that the raw emotions I wa
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elizabethdee001
- Apr 15, 2021
- 10 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #113: #15forEdward
It’s April already, and with this comes the thoughts, the build up, the feeling which permeates every bit of my being, knowing that we’re in the days approaching Edward’s birthday. What I should be doing is hiding the presents I’ve bought him, finalising party arrangements, putting aside cards which arrive through the letterbox so that all these surprises are there waiting for him to excitedly open when he gets up in the morning. But that is far from reality now. I will get u
214 views0 comments
elizabethdee001
- Mar 14, 2021
- 6 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #108: This Mum's Day
Today is Mother’s Day. Normally I’m awakened by the boys coming into our bedroom to wake me and wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Today I woke early, particularly early in fact, and not feeling able to nod off again, I just got up. I do actually quite like it when it’s quiet downstairs, and whilst the boys were still snoozing I got on with all sorts of chores … feeding the cats, letting them out, cleaning the litter, putting a washer load on, emptying the dryer and folding the cl
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elizabethdee001
- Feb 28, 2021
- 6 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #104: What not to say
This probably isn’t the best time for me to be writing this piece. I’m angry. I’ve totally had it with people who say the most offensive things to me. It happens so often, far too often quite frankly. I’d actually just been talking with friends about some of the horrid remarks which have been said to me these last few years, and I don’t know if this conversation tempted fate, but later the same afternoon … wham! Another one was hurled at me, quite consciously and quite pointe
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elizabethdee001
- Jan 20, 2021
- 6 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #97: My grief
I have read, read, read and read so many pieces, articles, writings, thoughts and experiences of others’ grief. Those who are grieving parents, grandparents, distant relatives, friends, siblings, children, babies (those who were born and lived a short while, those born sleeping, or those lost before they reached term). I’ve probably focussed more on reading about those who have experience of child loss, since my experience of this has been far more overwhelming and debilitati
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elizabethdee001
- Jan 20, 2021
- 7 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #96: Childloss and Grief
Losing a child is different to any other loss. My child died, and on every possible imaginable level, that is wrong. The death of a child is not something anyone is prepared for or should ever happen. As a mother, the instinct to protect your child is always there. Not being able to protect your child; or save your child from dying goes against everything that motherhood stands for. This is not the natural order of things, and goes against the normal cycle of life. Watching
16 views1 comment
elizabethdee001
- Jan 20, 2021
- 4 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #93: How are you?
How are you? A very simple question. One which is asked all the time; but one which is so difficult to answer at times. One which was almost unbearable to hear, and so unbelievably hard to answer in the days and weeks after losing Edward. It’s a question I hadn’t analysed too much until I was in a position where I felt unable to answer. How are you? It’s said so often, by so many. Just in passing … in the street, in the shops. It’s the question you want people to ask; whilst
13 views0 comments
elizabethdee001
- Jan 20, 2021
- 3 min
Life Chez Dee Episode #91: Love Doesn't Hurt
So this week has been all about love. How do I feel? I don’t know how to articulate a quick and straightforward answer to that. I wake up on Valentines Day and the first person I think about is Edward. Edward is the first person I think about every day in fact. Edward is ALWAYS in my head the minute I wake, and ALWAYS in my head as I drift off to sleep. My love for Edward is forever. My love for all my children is forever. My love for my children is shown in hugs, kisses and
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